There’s a lot to be said for progress. Educationally, scientifically, socially etc etc. Things are more efficient, which is just euphemism for ‘things are easier’. But allow me to play devil’s advocate for one moment….is this necessarily a good thing?

Intellectually, I guess it is. But, is it? Are we encouraging sloth? Simple tasks are now rendered inefficient, vestiges of the past. You actually leave home to go shopping everytime? Neanderthal. You wash your clothes by hand? Relic. You can’t read a book off an i-pad or computer screen? Fossil.

The list is long. Clothes dryers rather than the good, ol’ sun. Bidets rather than tissue paper (I mean c’mon! The whole you-can’t-wipe-your-own-ass-thing was a joke! Until it was not. Google bidet… Then weep with me). Electrified fences, instead of a security man with a bow and arrow. *pause* Ok, scratch that last one. I just kinda liked my big sister’s last gateman. But moving on…..you know what burns me? Pull-tab tinned tomatoes. Oh, how that razzles my dazzles!

In my time, I learnt painstakingly. And, sometimes, painfully. (it’s not the same thing. I checked a dictionary. Twas made of paper -_- ). I remember the first time I had to open a can of tinned tomatoes on my own. My big sis was like “Open this.” I was like, “Huh?! But…but..I don’t know how!” Her reply? “Learn.”
Twas only providence that saved my fingers that day. In hindsight, she was probably watching, ready to step in….but she knew I had long been watching others open cans, and yes, I needed to get over my fear of sharp-edged tin. So, the timeless sink-or-swim philosophy was put into play. And, over hundreds of opened canned tomatoes later, I still have all eleven fingers. (Yes, yes, that’s a lie. Whatever. Go use a bidet.)

So what’s this aimless rant about? We learned the hard way. It taught us to think AND do, because when there’s no easy alternative, you buckle down and damn well do it.

Enter this generation. They prance into the kitchen, on Lady Gaga shoes or flourescent sneaks, pop open the cupboard and voila! Packaged and already parboiled rice. Packaged moin-moin. Packaged coconut milk. Packaged soup (Aswear no be lie. Cue old-time Peak advert….”Wow! Mum! Egusi soup now comes in a saaaaa-shayyy!”….. Yes, people. Egusi and Ogbono soup in a packet. Just add water. *crosses self*). Packaged everything! Teeter over on heels, pop it in the microwave and tada! Bon appetit! Watch out for cardboard bits!

Then you have the pull-tab tinned tomatoes. Just one pull and oh my gosh, smooth edges, top come away clean, dump it in a pot. *dramatic pause* Then add packaged Egusi soup.

Yes, i’m a relic. I still prefer to wash my clothes by hand, I cannot write my first drafts directly on a screen, I find it hard to read a book on anything other than paper…….but thank heavens, I can open a can, with just a knife, not those new-fangled can-openers….those things look unnatural; like mini-Decepticons. I can use a stove when the gas runs out. I can IMPROVISE. Future children of mine, prepare to be trained old school AND new school. Pull-tab tinned tomatoes be damned. I will invest in band-aids…or gauze bandages. Ho-ha.
*goes off to watch DSTV*


About feminemdapest

I love words and how beautifully they can be woven. I have a wicked sense of humor and a mind like a sponge, so little gets past me. As a result, I have a garbage heap of a head. Did I mention I love words?
This entry was posted in Funny Rants. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Carsten says:

    This geh wee not kee me with humour. Funny…everytime it’s read ^_^

  2. Edeeth says:

    Ehmm…. you’ve seen the ‘toothpaste squeezer’ ba?? it helps you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube. 😀 😀

    So, how does the bidet sound now?

  3. manny says:

    Bidet??? God save me! Oh God!!!!!!


  4. mizraph says:

    You are a case ohh..
    Aaah…packaged coconut milk?
    Packaged soup??
    Lol…you have killed me with laff oh!!

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